How to Rebuild Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth After Decades of Self-Criticism

Are you a woman who has spent most of her life being her own worst critic?

Do you suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth in the form of self-criticism?

There comes a point in every woman’s life when she realizes just how long she’s been criticizing herself, how often she’s dismissed her own value, and how much of her identity has been shaped by shrinking to fit what others expected. You get so used to making yourself small that it feels normal. Expected. Even safe. 

If this is, you… I see you. And more importantly—I’ve been you. It is exhausting and I am here to tell you, that is not who you truly are.

This blog is for the woman who is waking up to that truth that low self-esteem and self-worth are not who you are and are damaging your enjoyment of life. You have carried the weight of self-criticism and self-deprecation which have lowered your sense of self-esteem and self-worth for years and you are now ready to put it down. You may not know exactly how to rebuild your life with confidence—but you know you are no longer willing to continue being your own worst enemy.

I want you to know this: you are not your mistakes, your fears, or the things you’ve said to yourself in moments of pain. You are more than the story you’ve repeated in your head.

How Did Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Get To You?

This pattern of low self-esteem and self-worth thinking didn’t start overnight. It could be attributed to the way you were raised. The silent expectations to be the “good girl,” the “quiet one,” the “helper”. Maybe it was a partner, a parent, a teacher—someone who made you feel like your best still wasn’t good enough. Or maybe it’s just the years of putting everyone else first until you forgot what it felt like to put your hand on your own heart and say, “I matter too.”

Before you can shift your relationship with yourself, you need to understand where your inner dialogue began placing self-deprecating thoughts—those quiet digs you make about yourself—aren’t just words. They’re the armor you wear to protect yourself from disappointment, judgment, or being “too much.” It's often a response to external pressures, internalized beliefs, and emotional wounds. This is where low self-esteem and self-worth thrive.

This voice says things like:

• “I’m not good at anything.”

• “I’m just being realistic.”

• “I don’t deserve to take up space.”

Over time, these patterns form your internal voice. A voice that sounds like yours but doesn't reflect your truth. And because you’ve heard that voice for so long, you begin to believe it.

Recognize Your Strengths and Weaknesses

One of the most healing realizations to build your sense of self-esteem and self-worth, is that you can hold both your strengths and your weaknesses and still be worthy. The two do not cancel each other out. They co-exist in all of us.

For so long, you may have believed that acknowledging your strengths makes you arrogant, or that owning your weaknesses makes you less than. But the truth is, self-worth is not about being flawless—it’s about being honest and kind with yourself.

Your strengths are not accidents. They’re evidence of your resilience, your growth, your ability to keep showing up. They are the way you care deeply, the way you nurture others, the way you stay grounded during chaos, or your ability to listen, create, lead, or love.

And your weaknesses? They don’t make you less. They make you human. These are areas for reflection, growth, and compassion—not proof that you’re failing, behind, or incapable.

Owning both allows you to live from a place of wholeness, not performance.

You’ve spent years being hard on yourself which has lowered your sense of worthiness and your self-esteem. Now is the time to be honest with yourself—but also gentle. Explore your strengths and your weaknesses—and still choose to believe you are worthy. You don’t have to be perfect to be valuable. You don’t have to do it all to be enough.

This is the moment where your healing deepens—where you learn to meet yourself with compassion and curiosity, instead of criticism.

Recognizing Your Strengths (Without Shrinking)

The hardest part—acknowledging what you’re good at without deflecting, laughing, or saying, “Oh, it’s nothing.”

So, let’s practice. Ask yourself:

• What do people often thank me for?

• What challenges have I overcome that others didn’t see?

• What qualities in me have helped others feel safe, loved, or inspired?

Strength isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it’s the quiet resilience you’ve shown. The way you kept going. The way you kept loving, even when your heart was tired.

You don’t need to brag or prove anything. You just need to own what’s true about you.

Honoring Your Weaknesses (Without Shame)

This part is just as sacred.

There is no shame in being a work in progress.

We all have areas where we’re still healing, still learning, still softening—and yes, still struggling. If everyone were good at everything, we wouldn’t need one another. Our weaknesses are not flaws to hide, but opportunities for growth and connection. They allow others to step in and support us, just as our strengths allow us to support and uplift others. This give-and-receive dynamic is what makes community meaningful. It’s in our differences—in both struggle and strength—that relationships deepen, and the true beauty of service and connection comes to life.

What matters is how you hold yourself in those spaces.

Can you notice your habits without tearing yourself apart? Can you say, “I struggle with this”—and also say, “I’m growing through it”?

That’s real self-respect. That’s where confidence lives. This is where you are rebuilding your sense of low self-esteem and self-worth.

Building Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Brick by Brick

Confidence and worthiness don’t show up all at once. It’s rebuilt daily, in quiet moments when you choose:

• A kind thought over a critical one

• A pause over an apology

• A “thank you” over a “that was nothing”

• A celebration over dismissal

Worthiness isn’t something you earn. It’s something you remember. You were born with it. Life just made you forget.

But you’re here now. Remembering. Reclaiming. Rising.

Worthiness Is a Daily Return

You may not feel confident every day. You may still catch yourself apologizing for who you are or doubting your abilities. That’s okay. Growth is not a straight line. Confidence and worthiness are not destinations—they are practices. They are built in small moments when you choose to meet yourself with grace instead of judgment.

You are allowed to recognize how far you’ve come without minimizing how hard it’s been. You are allowed to take up space, to celebrate your growth, and to keep showing up even if your voice shakes. You are allowed to say, “I’m still healing, but I am not going back.”

You have spent years being hard on yourself, which has reduced sense of self-esteem and worthiness. This next season is about being tender, honest, and grounded in your truth. You do not need to become someone else—you just need to remember who you were before the world told you to be less.

Rebuilding Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth After Years of Self-Criticism

Reclaiming your worth after years of self-criticism is a gradual process. It’s not something you decide once and feel forever. It’s something you practice—over and over again—until it becomes your new way of being.

Here are a few ways that rebuilding worthiness can begin:

1. Becoming Aware of the Voice Start noticing how you talk to yourself in moments of stress, embarrassment, or vulnerability. Pay attention to your default reactions when you receive praise or make a mistake. Awareness is the first step to change.

2. Letting Go of Harsh Expectations You don’t need to prove your worth by being everything to everyone. You don’t have to earn your rest, your joy, or your voice. Worthiness is not conditional—it’s your birthright.

3. Replacing Old Narratives When you catch yourself criticizing yourself, pause and ask, “Is this true? Or is this familiar?” Then choose a kinder truth to replace it. You can say things like, “I am learning,” “I did my best,” or “I am enough, even in this moment.”

4. Practicing Self-Recognition Make it a habit to acknowledge something about yourself each day that you appreciate. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a powerful way to remind your nervous system that you are safe in your own presence.

5. Surrounding Yourself with Empowering Support The people and spaces you spend time in matter. Choose environments that reflect back your light, not your limitations. Seek out community, content, and conversations that reinforce the truth that you are worthy, evolving, and more than enough.

Keep Going

The fact that you are reading this means you’re already on the path. You’re doing the work, you’re showing up, and you are no longer willing to abandon yourself. That’s something to be proud of.

If this speaks to your heart, I created a guide just for you: "Breaking The Cycle of Negativity: Overcoming Negative Thinking" It’s a gentle, powerful resource to help you take the next step in speaking to yourself with love. In this guide you will learn how who and what you listen to daily effects your emotions and well-being. Track what you say, think, and hear from others throughout your day. Learn tools for reframing and reclaiming your thoughts.

You don’t have to walk this road alone. And you don’t have to keep carrying the weight of old stories that were never yours to begin with.